The more I watch my three sons the more I learn about myself. I see three individuals, unique mixes and blends of both their mother and myself. A mix yes, but something new, a forging of a new layer, as a katana is forged layer after layer each finer and more precise than the previous.
I see myself, they are my mirror. Yet something more, more capable, more talented. It is in these moments that I believe a parent should rejoice. If you leave the planet, imbuing your children with more than you ever were... then I believe that, as a parent, you have succeeded..
Do your children, cope better, understand more, love more openly? Are they the better model? Yes? Be content. That is our job.
I used to relish being able to expose my children to the truth and lessons that I learnt, or didn't learn quickly enough, or perhaps not at all. Yes! I can save these children that I love, the grief of my mistakes. I was and still am naive in this regard. I still persist in trying to 'teach' my children life lessons. Offer them solutions to problems they are yet to face. It is futile. You cannot teach anyone anything they are not ready to learn. As the Chinese proverb teaches us... "when the student is ready the teacher will appear". I never understood this. Now I do.
As humans to learn anything in a life changing way, we must live it. Of course having information is important, being prepared and educated is important, but until you have context, and the experience to temper the need, learning is just information we remember. We must live what we learn to truly learn. This is the core of my belief.
Consider if as a child someone tried to talk us through how to walk before we were ready to walk, and before we had real need. Of course it seems laughable and backward. Why then do we persist in trying to teach children lessons about life when they have no context in which to understand? Now please don't misunderstand me, of course we teach our children daily... as we should as is our purpose as parents. Children develop the context to understand things daily, be patient because as the need arises, so you will be ready to teach it. Why believe that they will understand how to handle a fight at school or bullying, for example, until if and when they experience it. The experience is the context that raises the need to learn.
Consider how difficult as a child we found the grind of daily education. Yet as adults, when identify the need and desire to understand a certain topic we absorb information like a sponge. It is because our context has changed. Likewise as a parent you much watch, listen, understand and communicate with your children so that you can identify when the contextual change occurs and they are ready to learn.
When it does, apply now your own contextual experience, re-evaluate it, broaden your understanding of it, and examine how it can be improved... then share it with your child. In this way, we not only improve the understanding of ourselves but we ensure that our improved understanding is passed onto our children and they in turn will learn to improve and add to their own contextual awareness and understanding as the information is handed down over generations. Tribal communities understand this only too well and continue to share ancient wisdom through stories, rituals and fables.
So are we doomed to repeat history? I believe that the way to learn from history is to be ready or even precognitive when you see familiar circumstances repeating. It is not enough to just learn our lessons rote, we must be vigilant in our understanding of ourselves and the reflection of ourselves in our children. Then and only then can we move ahead watching our children mitigate our past mistakes and improve on our own struggle through life. Be happy for your children's successes and understanding of their failures.
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